Not A Time For My Trousers To Fall Down
by BerryKibum
Summary: Set immediately after the last book in the series. I tell the story of how Georgia and Dave's first date went. I do not own the characters, but I wish I did :
1. Chapter 1

_*Set immediately after the events of the last book*_

**Saturday October 15****th**

**My bed**

**9.00am**

For once I am completely and utterly alone in my bed; Mutti herded Libby and the toy gang out last night as a treat for me being utterly fabulous as Merc-lurk-io in the school play, despite the undead, dead bit after Dave screwed up with the lights.

I'd normally jump head first into a lie in right about now, but who has time for that when you are in fact the official girlfriend of Dave the Tart?

You know when your heart does that little jelloid jumpy excited thing? Well I had that right now just thinking about last night. There I was thinking that Dave had dumped nicey nicey Emma and gone off with a secret girlfriend like a cad, but the secret girlfriend turned out to be none other than moi! I am le amie secrete of the first water.

I went to sleep last night feeling like I was floating on a cloud, well, not literally on an actually cloud because I'd have bugs flying up my nose and my hair would be all gigantic from the wind. I'd best just describe it as a fog of nib libbling anticipation for Saturday, which is when we're going out on our very first official date.

He won't tell me where we're going which had made me really nervous and jumpy. He hasn't even considered how much stress I am going to have when it comes to deciding on what outfit I'm going to wear! I mean, should I dress up? But if he took me to the park or something like that then I'd just end up looking like a twat in boy entrancers. I'd never once been nervous with Dave before, but then again, I'd never been his official girlfriend before.

Unless you count the time Red Herring incident...

**Five minutes later**

Before I could agonise over outfits any more that I already had, vati shouted up the stairs,

"Georgia, somebody's on the phone for you!"

Well, of course my immediate reaction was to hastily scramble out of bed in case it was Dave. On my way I tripped over Angus and Gordy who had set up camp on the bottom step of the stairs, you know, just casually licking each other's bum-oleys like my snogging life wasn't at stake.

When I got to the phone at last I had to quickly apply my phone lip gloss, which I kept on top of the hall mirror for occasions such as this.

"Gee," Jas said from the other end of the phone.

"Oh it's you," I said, disappointed times a thousand.

"Well you're nice aren't you; I am only your bestie after all."

"Stop getting the hump; if you carry on I'll just have to tell someone else about what happened with Dave last night after Rom and Jule."

"Oh come on Gee, you know I was only joking!" She said this in a sort of whiney way that made me believe that I was actually talking to a little weasel.

"Well you'll never know now will you?" I said. I slammed the phone down and started to walk back up the stairs, intending to develop my plan of action for next weekend, when the phone rang again.

"Hello," I said, my voice full of hope, only to find out that it was Jas again.

"I'll give you all of the black midget gems the next time I see you!" Jas pleaded.

"It's a deal my little pally pal."

"So…"

"So?"

"Are you gonna tell me or what?"

"Oh lets see…nope!"

"Gee!"

"Ok, ok, listen, I'll tell you today in town. Call an emergency Ace Gang meeting now."

"Oh, like today? Because Tom was telling me about thid badger he saw in the woods earlier on…we were gonna go and check it out."

"Jas, how selfish can you be? This meeting is vital; I might not survive if I'm to keep this news to myself."

After a while, Jas had to go and call Tom and re-arrange their ramble in the park for another day, I kindly offered to bring her some of Angus' poo so she wouldn't miss the badger poo too much but she didn't find it very funny. It made me laugh like a drain though.

**12:00pm**

Ok, so for the Ace Gang meeting today I was thinking of wearing my ankle boots, tights, dark blue denim shorts and my glittery top that makes my nungas look a little bit smaller than they are.

When I came down the stairs Uncle Eddie was sat in the living room and after looking at me turned to vati and said,

"Blimey Bob, do you usually let Georgia out without any clothes on?"

And of course my dad had to send me back upstairs to put some 'proper trousers' on, whatever that means. It's not like my legs weren't covered though! I was wearing tights! But I was told that I looked like a prostitute and was to never wear those 'flaming shorts' again.

**Back in my room.**

I am now wearing my black skinny jeans with my shorts craftily concealed underneath them. I've swapped my bag for mum's Black Radley bag instead, because it's quite big so I can just shove my pants in there when I'm out of sight of the house.

**Five minutes later.**

When I did eventually leave the house, Mark big gob was outside with his loser mates, including James from across the road, his trousers were still around his ankles. When he saw me come out of the house he said,

"Oi, Georgia, show us your nungas."

"Yeh, show us your nungas," James echoed, seeming really pleased with himself.

"Sure mark," I said, giving him my best sticky eye, "Let me just call _my boyfriend_ Dave to ask him if it's ok."

"Oi oi, let's not be too hasty now love."

I'd have to ask Dave what he really did to that twat, I already know that he'd beat him up after he tried number 10 on me, but apparently Mark was _still _terrified of him. I suppose it's just another reason why Dave's so amazing, making Mark big gob leave me alone.

Wait a minute; if Dave heard me say that he was out loud then he'd never let me live it down, unless he's already heard me think it because he has somehow learnt how to read my mind. But that can't be possible, can it? I'll just have to act aloof the next time I see him to be sure that he can't.

While I was thinking about the possibility of Dave the Mind Reader, I reached the park so I started to make my way go to the toilets where I'd planned to take off my pants. Well, you know how plans go right? Because when I got to the stalls every cubicle had an 'out of order' sign taped to the door so I couldn't take my pants off.

It would probably have been a sensible idea to just take them off when I got into town, but I didn't want to look like a prat in front of the ace gang, plus, for October it was a really warm day and trousers, tights and shorts make really uncomfortable combination. Spotting a bush near to the toilets, I ducked behind and started to quickly undo my jeans so no one would see.

Not a time for my trousers to fall down when Masimo suddenly walked around the corner and saw me crouching behind the bush with my pants around my ankles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Behind the bush**

**12:30pm**

Ohmygiddygodstrousers! It was Masimo! You know, the Masimo that I fancied for months and months, only to then get snogged by him even though he had a girlfriend back in Italy, I'd been his girlfriend for a while but then he suspected that I might have the horn for Dave and then he decided that he wanted to go to London with the Stiff Dylan and leave me. That Masimo.

Now that I think about it, Robbie and I broke up because he went off to be with Koala bears in Kiwi-a-gogo land. Maybe I'm jinxed or something.

After I had finished being utterly shocked that Masimo was here and walking towards me, I pulled up my trousers faster than a pulling up pulley thing and stepped out from behind the bush, trying to maintain at least a little bit of maturiosity. He had reached me by this time and I saw that he was wearing a thin blue jumper and tight black pants, he also had on a matching black leather jacket that made him look really phwooar, but I had chosen Dave so obviously I didn't notice this. I could feel my face turning bright red, especially my nose, not a very good look to have when faced with an Italian stallion.

Ok Georgia, display glaciosity, calm down. After a lot of coughing and shuffling around I said,

"Erm, it's not what you think, I was just trying to…erm…try on my new pants."

"Ah, _si si_, but you could not do this at home Miss. Georgia?"

"Well, you see, we're decorating so I'm not even allowed into the house, in fact, I'm staying at Jas' tonight and I wanted to wear the pants when we meet up in a little while. I was a little chilly in my shorts….."

I continued on like this for a while, I knew that I should stop talking but it was like my brain wouldn't let me, so I just kept going on and on about how cold it was even though there were people sunbathing on the grass across the path from us and I was red as a red thing from wearing shorts, tights and trousers.

"You are a strange girl Georgia."

The awkward silence continued, he just stood there looking at me in a kind of disappointed way, as if he expected better of me or something? News flash, I'm not perfect Italian cream cake; I'll have to eschew you with a firm hand for this sort of behaviour. That and the fact that we were broken up now.

"Erm, aren't you like, erm, supposed to be in London or something?"

God, I was turning into Ellen, he spared me some of the embarrassment by saying,

"The train has been delayed so I am to stay here until this evening."

Just then, I heard a group of lads chatting around the corner, laughing and being loud like boys always are, it'd never figured out why though, it's like they don't even realise that their mate's stood right next to them. I asked mutti why once and she told me that some guys talk loudly to make up for a lack in the trouser snake department, I really didn't want to think about that now though.

I prayed that it wasn't the rest of the Stiff Dylans, Masimo was acting really strange and I didn't know what he'd say to them about me, I'd probably be expelled from every cool gig and party for the rest of my life after this incident. Oh god, they're coming closer…

**30 seconds later**

They just turned the corner, and thankfully it wasn't the Stiff Dylans, I let out a massive breath and Masimo just gave me yet another weird look. When I did see who it was it didn't feel much better because it was the Barmy Army, Dave was walking along in the middle of the group with the rest of the lads. When he spotted me, I flashed him a quick 'jesus-christ-help-me' kind of look so he came over to where me and Masimo were standing.

"Sex kitty! Can I have a little chat with you please? Don't worry Masimo I won't be long with her." And then he actually _winked _at him, I wasn't sure whether to die of embarrassment or burst out laughing, but that would have probably made Masimo get his handbag out so I just settled for embarrassment.

"Is ok Dave, I am to leave now anyway…_ciao_."

He shuffled off then, he shuffled because his pants were so tight and he couldn't bend his knees properly. His back was hunched over like he was trying to do my impression of Quasimodo which I was so famous for. He looked rather awkward which was really odd for Masimo.

"What's got his knickers in a twist?" Dave said when he had disappeared around the corner.

"Listen, I've kind of got to go and meet the Ace Gang in town, but how about I call you later on and tell you all about it?"

I knew that I was smiling like an idiot and my nose was probably spreading all over my face, but I couldn't help it. Dave just did that to me.

"Ok Kittykat, but how about a hug for the biscuit before you go?"

Without waiting for my answer he wrapped his arms around me, putting one hand on my back and one hand on my head, pulling my close so I was bundled up tight with my head on his chest. He smelt amazing! He wasn't wearing any of that crappy aftershave that I'm sure Mark big gob bathes in, he just smelt like soap and Dave.

"Oi, stop sniffing me!"

"Sorry, it's kind of a thing that I do."

**9:00pm**

I cannot believe what happened today! I've actually only just remembered it now because I had a marvy day with the Ace Gang in town; I ended up arriving with my hair everywhere and a really red face because, after the events with Masimo, I had to do a kind of shuffly run in my heels just to make it on time. Plus, I still had my pants on.

When I sat down a cappuccino was waiting for me so I took a few small hamster sips using the technique that I developed to stop from getting a foam moustache. I looked up from my cup and all of the Ace gang were staring at me, all agog as two gogs, but couldn't figure out why until Rosie, who was sucking on a pipe, said,

"So Georgia, are you EVER going to tell us why you called us here?"

I started with the story about what had just happened in the park; Jools, Jas and Rosie just looked at me and said,

"Ohmigod!" To which I replied,

"I know."

"So wait… Dave hugged you? Well that was kind of odd," Jas said, she fiddled with her fringe. I was very tempted to pick up my coffee and dump it all over her stupid fringey head. But I didn't, instead I said,

"Not really seeming as he's kind of…my boyfriend."

I don't know how I was expecting them to react but I did not see what Rosie did next coming. She sort of did a little jumpy thing from her seat when she stood up and slammed both of her hands down on the table, but the table was a bit wobbly and her coffee cup flew up into the air and spilt all over Jas' head. Kind of freaky how that happened when I had imagined the exact same thing moments ago. Rosie ignored the coffee and came over to where I was sat and gave me a massive hug.

"It's about time mate!"

Jas didn't notice and she soon scuttled off to the toilets to dry her fringe underneath the hand dryer. I hadn't realised that everybody already knew that I'd kind of had the horn for Dave ever since he first nip libbled me back when I still wanted Robbie. Strange as I hadn't realised this until very recently, as always I would be the last to know what's going on in my own head. When Jas got back from the toilets her fringe was sticking up in all directions and she stared daggers at Rosie until she noticed that Rosie wasn't paying attention to her. Now that we were all here I then had to explain the whole story, even the bits that they already knew.

"But you already know this bit Jas,"

"I know, but I forgot some of it."

She really is dim. So I told _all_ of the bits, including the part where I asked him to be my girlfriend, which was totally embarrassing and made me seem like a big fat loser. I actually really enjoyed telling the entire story though because I kept getting little bits of jelloid knee every time I thought about the part where Dave told me that _I_ was the secret girlfriend that I thought he'd dumped Emma for. We talked all afternoon until the guy that owned the café got sick of us and asked us to leave. At this point Rosie stood on top of her chair and said,

"You can tak our seats, but you cannei tak our freedom!"

For some reason she had become Scottish which made the shop guy give her a really strange look. I truly thought that we going get banned from the café, but all that happened was that Rosie got a bit enthusiastic and fell of her chair, me and Jools took the opportunity and quickly rushed in and grabbed her arms before dragging her away.

"Hey, where's Elen?" I said once we'd come a fair distance from the café, I'd only just noticed that she wasn't there because I'd been too preoccupied telling the story.

"Oh, she had to babysit for her mum," Jools said, "Omg, I just realised! You're going to have to tell her about you and Dave…"

A look of doom crossed the faces of the Ace Gang and all I remember thinking was, oh bloody buggering hell.


End file.
